Sometimes the tears just pour like rain...



Yellow isn't just for soldiers...its for suicide victims too

 I am sitting here at my computer, crying, know that I should be in bed right now. I know that 6:45am comes early, and not feeling well on top of that, well bed is where I should be, but here I am on my blog.

I want to thank the people who have inboxed me on facebook about suicide and how it has affected their life in some way, or even depression. That makes this battle all the more important to me, but its still such a taboo subject, I plan to begin to change that, at least here in my area or where ever I can.

Anyways, I keep checking the page that I have created to invite others to join my team and walk on October 9, 2011, in an Out of the Darkness, Prevent Suicide and make Awareness. I pretty much sent to everyone on my friends list. I know that some defintely can't come because they live in NY or Florida. But I am surprised by those who aren't attending that are so close. Maybe it wasn't enough time for people to plan. Maybe it was my fault, because I was unable to attend 2 very special occassions for one of my closest friends.(Now granted, I know she has a reason she can't come, and whatever it is I understand). Maybe this is my karma. But please know that just like everyone else who loses a loved one to a sudden death, you are not alone...there are groups out there, and finally, finally, after 8 years I have found mine.

I am not ashamed of my father in any way. I love him more and more each day even if he can't hug me and kiss me my cheek and tell me it will be okay. I can't pick up the phone anymore to hear his voice...just saying my name...I can't sit on the porch with him and have discussions that are so beyond my realm of intelligence, but I loved every minute of it...because I was with him, just us. So here it is National Suicide Awareness and Prevention week and no one seems to care, not the news not anyone...unless you count their recent loss, meaning the news. And Sunday, wow what a day. Not only is it World Wide Suicide Awareness and Prevention, but its the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Can you even think what will get the most attention? Please don't get me wrong, I hate that so many lives were lost that day and thankful that my friends and their family in NY are all okay. But there are those that chose to committ suicide on that day. They saw no other way out. How do you think a person who committs suicide feels just before they pull the trigger...there is no other way out. So think about it because these 2 events go hand in hand. But because of the 9/11 tragedy, their suicides are treated differently, than those of us who lost a loved one, on a normal day, no planes crashing into buildings, no terriost attacks...but we too, are still left behing to pick up the pieces without memorials or candle light vigels. No one wants to talk to us about the suicide that happened in our live, they don't want to gather at Gibbs Stadium and remember the mothers, daughters, fathers, brothers, friends, military soldiers, who killed themselves not because of 9/11 but because in their mind they saw no other way.

If you are interested here is a link to my team page, we have decided Team "Pop" was most appropriate.
http://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/teampop

Check it out, donate online, email me...I am here for anyone who has ever had a loss to suicide or is fighting depression. Only through Awareness and Prevetion can we make people realize this is a National story and tragedy.