A fork in the road...and I don't mean the one you eat with...

Wow, is about all I can say. It has all happened so very fast. One day we're planning what we would like to do to our house later on and then the next we are discussing selling with a realtor or by owner!! What a crazy couple of weeks it has been...

It all started a month ago or longer, Nick asked me to put his application in online at a place he once worked, but it would be in Greenville. I did, but while on there I saw that there was an opening in Greenwood, so I sent his resume there as well. We have briefly discussed the possibility of moving back to Greenwood, but never thought it would happen because of the pay range that Nick has advanced too. Well, I got a call on a Thursday from the company, they interviewed him the next day, (Friday) and on Monday he was offered a position. Tuesday it was a formal written offer and then on Wednesday he turned in his 2 week notice to Exopack. Its kinda scary...I love it here, my mom is here and my brother, but all of my friends with the exception of a few, are in Greenwood. And I am always feeling like I am missing out. But this isn't about me. This is about my husband. For the last 5 years we have lived here in Woodruff, or Spartanburg county for me. I am the one who wanted to give working at Channel 7 a shot and I did for abt a year. I miss it, but the chances of going back are slim to none, and well I like being with my family. This man gave up everything he knew to follow his wife of 7 months to Spartanburg to pursue her dream career. Who could ask for anyone better? And he was okay with it when I wanted to quit because the hours I worked and the hours he worked were conflicting and we never saw one another. I took one other position as Public Relations in a dentist office. I loved all the ladies I worked with and for, but it wasn't for me, especially when I found out I was pregnant. So a SAHM I became. So here we are still in Spartanburg, all because of me...

Nick was offered a position with Exopack back in 2007, while I was pregnant with Ansley, it worked out great, the pay was nice...and well we could enjoy life a little more. There one and only downfall, is this particular plant is old...and I mean, like there are ppl there when the doors opened that are illiterate and this is all they can do. The machines are old, some ppl are rude but WORST of all the climate ranges from 100-130, on any given day during the summer...sure there are fans, that blow HOT air, and of course no heat in the winter.After being pregnant with Adam last year, I felt like I knew how he felt inside that building and it wasn't fair. This man was willing to do all that he could for his family, and it was only fair that he at least doesn't mind going to work in the summer or winter!! So we started looking...never thinking it would be Greenwood. I know he wants to be close to his family as do I. Don't get me wrong I love my family,  but I have grown very close to my MIL in the last 7 years. We miss visiting them like we used too to every weekend...and it was time for me to make some changes. As Nicks wife I fully support him and always will. He is the leader of this family and is looking out for us. Bottom line, I trust him and I want us all to be happy. So we have prayed about this over and over and if this is where we are meant to be then so be it.

His new position is with a contract Maintenance company called ATS, they are all over the East Coast. They have a few plants in Greenwood and he will be working at Eaton Electric over on the by pass. The downer, he will be 3rd shift, but I am looking at it as though he will have more time with the kids and wont be so grumpy from working in the heat all day. So his last day at Exopack is June 29 and he starts at Eaton on June 30. He is planning to commute until we can sell the house, and there will be times when he stays with his parents...it will take some adjusting, but I know in the end it is much better for our family. As for an exact move date, who knows...no rush...but if you do know someone in the area looking for a home let me know...

I am hoping that all of you who read this will be excited for me. I have dreamed of coming back to Greenwood and having play dates with Ashley and the girls, cook outs...girls nights...and everything else...My family is trying to be supportive, but they are hurt. I understand, we never intended to move again, but sometimes you have to take a chance...no the grass may not always be greener on the other side, but unless you check it out for yourself you will never know.

And for those of you still there...ideas on schools and etc is needed...I hope you are guys are as happy as we are...and if you aren't then please keep those comments to yourself!

So as you can see my journey is taking a new path...and I am ready to see what it will bring. I am letting God take me down this path...and we shall see where it goes! And here's hoping that I find my dream house again....

June 14....and a whirlwind of romance

Wow, time seems to fly by these days, and seems to even fly by faster on some. I suppose you spend your childhood looking forward to the next milestone in life, and then once you hit the legal age limit, what else is there to look forward too...well, at least that is the thought for some people...funny, this isn't even on topic of what my blog is about...sheez...

Anyways, it was 7 years ago today that I met Nick for the very first time. I remember everything about that first look. I mean seriously, ladies, looks may not be everything, but they are what we notice first...then we see the personality and other qualities...but first we have to have an attraction!

It was Friday evening, and we were going to see the Swinging Medallions play for Greenwood's annual Festival of Flowers. At the time I was home visiting from Charleston, my brother was a car salesman and was able to get tickets to the show for free. I had a horrible week back in Charleston, so coming home for a visit was great...besides by this time I had already decided I was moving back. There were going to be 5 of us going, and I was going to be the 5th wheel, no biggie though. I just wanted to have a good time. As it was explained to me, it would be my brother and his girlfriend, her sister and the guy she was dating...at least that is what she had told me that same day earlier when we stopped by the bar she worked. She had said they dated and were engaged and that he was the one, she just knew it, she knew it by the way he kissed her. So I am thinking that's great for her...never in my life thinking he would actually turn out to be the one for me!

Naturally, when I came walking out my house that evening to leave, that this hottie laying against my car was her date...I thought to myself, how in the hell did she get him?  So there he is, leaning against the rear passenger side fender of my black Forenza...he was wearing blue jeans, flops, glasses (which I have always loved), a blue striped shirt tucked into the front of his belt, and of course his blue Adidas hat, that was on backwards...(another yum moment)! For sure, I was definitely physically attracted to this guy, but really didn't think too much on it because he was with someone.(Oh,and for the record...if you ask him what I was wearing...his reply, "a dress that had red circles on it." hahaha!! I had on a plaid dress that was indeed red, but he says all he cared about was my butt at the time...I added this because he still finds it hard to believe that I remember what he was wearing from head to toe!)

After tricking my brothers girlfriend into thinking we wouldn't leave her, we got in the car and left. (Completely another story, and well not worth sharing). He and I talked about how familiar we looked to one another, only realizing that we pretty much ran in the same circles during college but never once met.We knew a lot of the same people. He had dated several of  my classmates and enemies at one time or another. It was interesting...so naturally, I confided in my brother that this guy was hot, and I was interested. And by this time we had been introduced...and it turns out Nick thought I was pretty hot as well. We talked a little here and there while at the concert or dance,whatever you would like to call it. He got my number from my brother, but asked where I would be later that night...hmm, well it was Greenwood, so you could find me late at night at Legend's! He told mee would see me there later. I was definitely hoping so...At the end of the night I drove them back to her house and as he got out of the car he began to take off his shirt...it was the final physical attraction...he was covered in tattoos!! Oh my gosh, I was in heaven! If you know me then you know my "man" has to have tattoos...because to me, they are just effing hot! So we left and out we went...of course in the back of my mind I was hoping he would find me that night, but I still assumed that he was with her...and well I was just out of luck!

I remember sitting on the left side of the bar, right at the entrance, when he came walking in...He told me that he rode through the parking lot to make sure my car was there. I was excited. This guy was hot, and he seemed like such a nice guy. By the end of the night, the first night we had met, I asked him would he like to ride with me the next day to Gaffney to pick up my niece and nephew. He said that he would, and well for safe measures we parked his truck at the BK up from my house.

Somehow, a complete section has disappeared...and since the blog is quite long, I shorten this part...I love my niece and nephew and any man in my life has to like them, but much more than that they have to like him...well they did right from the moment that met him....even my shy niece. Someone even thought that were our kids when we stopped for pizza...(not exactly what I had previously written, but you get the point)
My mom was coming from Charleston for a visit as well, so he said that he would stay with me until she got there...little did he know that my mother has no conception of time and that he would end sitting there on his tailgate talking with me until about 4 in the morning. We talked about everything, from the last person we dated to how we weren't looking for anything but friendship...thinking back now, I am pretty sure we both knew there was something between. I remember feeling like a silly little school girl waiting on him to kiss me...and he says I made him feel the same, but of course not like a girl! By the time he left we had made plans to hang out again on that Sunday. We were going to a friends house to go swimming...that day he showed up on his motorcycle, and he was wearing a bright green shirt...you definitely wouldn't miss him if you were driving on the road. I followed him in my car, and we went swimming...I felt so happy and giddy...later that evening he took me for a ride on his motorcycle...this was only the second time I had ever ridden one...we went and ate at the Sonic, and rode around for a little while with his friend.

That night I ended up staying at his house, yes, it was only our third date, so to speak...but he was a complete gentleman. We talked and talked and talked...and he actually also packed for Charlotte. He was going there for a week with work. True story...(lol)...I was going to see a friend there in Charlotte, as well,if it didn't work out moving back home, a friend of mine had a possible job for me there in Charlotte. So somehow, it all came about and he asked if I wanted to come to Charlotte and hang out...umm hell yes...I was falling for this guy already...3 days after I had told him that all I wanted was a friendship...wasn't looking for anything else...that week we became the Charlotte group because I also met some people that he worked with. Again, we had an awesome time...and from that time on were always together...well, at least on the weekends...he would come to Charleston and visit me on the weekends and we would have such an awesome time...the whole time I was falling for him more and more...

Then in July, I believe the date was the 27th...we went to see Dave Matthews in concert...that sealed the deal...I knew this guy was the one, I had never in my life felt this way about anyone...I didn't think that I ever would...After the concert we stayed in Charlotte, and then he stayed the night with me that Sunday night...Monday morning he woke up early telling me that he had to go to Wal-Mart, and had to beat the rush...in my head I am thinking umm, okay...At about 10am he called me...and told me that we shouldn't see each other anymore...I was crushed but I didn't argue or try to convince him differently, you see, the one thing he told me while we were sitting on his tailgate that one night, is that he knows if he wants to be with a girl, and if he doesn't then its over...just that plain and simple, so here I sat on the couch losing the man I had fallen madly in love with...I went back to Charleston for one last week as I was moving home the first of August...he was all I thought about all week and naturally I kept trying to figure out what had went wrong because we had a great time at the concert and a great time every time we were together!

By the weekend I couldn't take it any longer, I just had to call him...I mean he had even asked me to go to the beach with him and his family...when he answered he said he had been thinking about me and was going to call...umm, yeah right. We made plans to meet up that Wednesday evening in Greenwood at CiCi's Pizza. We had a good time...and we were just going to see where it led us...the last thing he said to me before he left for work, was that unless something happened he would see me Friday morning when he got off work and we would hang out before he left for the beach.

That following day I went over to a friends house to hang out...and my cell phone didn't have good reception at her house...well we left for a bit and a voicemail showed up on my phone...I had a bad feeling...the voicemail said, "remember I said I would come by after work Friday morning if nothing happened, well, something happened and I wont be coming over. Call me when you get this message." My heart was pounding I had no idea what was wrong but I was freaking out...he had wrecked his motorcycle that morning on his way home from work. He was passing a school bus when a car pulled out in front of him...he dropped the bike at abt 70mph...lucky for him he was wearing his helmet. Besides being sore he had a broken wrist, but he was alive...I was in shock. I couldn't believe what had happened, but so thankful that he wasn't hurt worse...at the end of the phone conversation he told me that I could come over if I wanted but that he was on pain meds and grumpy. Ha!! I went over and watched him rest that night...the next day he left for the beach and I went home...a little angry. Why? Because originally, he had invited me to go with him, but he went without me...oh well, I thought, I will just go hang out in Columbia. On Saturday night he called asking me to come to the beach...I was so excited...but naturally told him that I had plans for the weekend and could come Monday. I didn't want to seem too excited...hahaha!

What a fantastic week. I had a blast! We slept in twin beds, sometimes sharing...but always going to sleep in my bed...poor guy, I had to put his sun lotion on him from head to toe because he couldn't do it with the cast on his arm...and yes there were times I wondered if he invited me just for that one reason! Turns out he had talked about me with his cousin and sister in law and how he felt...and he wasn't sure if he should call or not...they told him umm...yes, get your butt on the phone and invite her!!

As you know the story continues on...here we are 7 years later, and our wedding anniversary is August 6, and it will be our 6th year of marriage! I have never in my life been happier. I love him with all that I am and I love him more and more everyday. I love to hear him laugh, and still giggle because he can't really see me if he doesn't have his glasses on. I look at him as the father of our children, a great father, a great husband...God brought us together at the right moment in time...though its begins out kinda funny and filled with a little bit of drama, that's okay...because today I am his wife, the woman he comes home to every day...the mother of his children, the only drama queen in his life...lol...Plain and simply put, this is my happily ever after...

Blog title and other stuff

Yep, you are seeing it correctly, I have changed the name of my blog again...I am trying to find one that fits me and what I am trying to say to all of you. And for those of you who know me, I am open for suggestions...

I am just playing around trying to learn my way around this blog...so forgive me if it sometimes may look like a mess!!

Overall, I hope that everyone has enjoyed my entries. I would love to hear from you!!!

more on Charleston...

I know its been about a week since I last blogged, my apologies to those who are reading and were left to wonder about the rest of the story...but well, being a SAHM of 2 kids doesn't give me a lot of free time to blog...

So lets just jump right back into the story...at some point we decided to drive down to Florida to see my college roommate, also a best friend, and her boyfriend. Who knew that this trip was going to change our relationship forever. All was going well, until we all drove down to South Miami for a night of clubbing. My friend and I had went shopping and bought new outfits, the whole girlie thing to do. He and I took pics on the beach...we all took pics and so on...the first bar we went to was owned and managed by my friends boyfriends brother...(alot of words to write since I am not using names...lol). I leaned over the table and he started making comments about my shirt being too low cut, and was I trying to show everyone my boobs...I was crushed...I bought the damn shirt because I thought he would like it...well, it just kept escalating at each bar...which sux because we had VIP status everywhere...no lines, no waits, and we got to see and meet famous people...

Finally, at the last bar we went too, I had enough of his comments...I smacked him...he flipped and said he was going back to the room, I followed...the arguing continued. And when we got back to the room, he punched me...its funny how I remember it, it was like slow motion in a movie, as my hair whips around my face...but I am thinking "did that really just happen and why didn't it hurt?" I began hitting him back, he punched me 2 more times and also choked me...the choke marks were the only marks left the next day...and my mom actually thought it was a hickey...but anyways, back to the story...all of a sudden I just felt all this rage come out and I began hitting him to the point where I busted his nose and lips...and even though he hit me and choked me, I still felt horrible about the situation. It was over, we were done...heck, I was going to fly back to Charleston and decided against it...we still slept in the same bed that night...and I found myself apologizing over and over and over...I began to kiss the ground he walked on...trying to hold to anything I could to salvage this relationship, but it would never be the same.

Believe it or not, you would think that this is where the story ends...right? Ha, nope it didn't...he now had more control over me then ever before. I felt like everything was always my fault and I had to make it up to constantly...by the time December 2002 rolled around, I was about graduate from college. Finally!!! And myself and some others had rented out Sports Break for our Graduation party...I was telling him all about it and he told me that he would come to my graduation but that was it, he was leaving after and I could come if I wanted too. By this point, I am thinking what a complete ass...he wont even come to  my graduation and enjoy the party, why?? Because he didn't like Greenwood. Well, for one freaking night you can suck it up and pretend!

And then came graduation day, I remember sitting there in my seat looking all around the auditorium for him. I thought for sure he would be there, that even though he said he wasn't coming he wouldn't miss this day...it was a very important day. So there I am looking around everywhere, and I see his roommate, my heart begins to flutter...but he was no where to be found. I was completely crushed, and yet still so in love with him...

proned to pick out the assholes every time? It would seem so for at least another year...

This next part is well horrible...embarrassing, but it was truly an out of body experience. He called and asked if I wanted to go see our friends band on a Friday and he would bring my hairbrush then...I stood my ground and said no, I had already made plans to go with Ash. She came down for the weekend, and on that Friday we drank a lot...had a good time...it was her, me, my roommate and another girl and we drove my truck to the place. All was good, until I turned around to see him with another girl (already????), and the girl was under age! I went over and knocked the crap out of him...next thing I know, I am outside walking around. I am sure it wasn't as long as I thought, but it seemed like forever...where was Ash, my roommate the other girl...did they not see me get kicked out?? Were they just going to party on and leave me outside? The anger was taking over and I was becoming furious. Finally, the other girl who came with us comes outside to "check" on me...well I tell I want my keys and she gives them to me and goes about her business. And still Ash nor my roommate have come out to check on me. I couldn't believe it...What I did next is shocking, immature, stupid, but I was full of rage and to this day I swear I watched myself from above...so what did I do? I finally had my psycho moment...I keyed the crap out of his car, kicked it, punched it and everything...I messed it up...$4000 damage in a matter of 5 minutes or so...finally, someone comes out to check on me, by now I was in my car...well, I blurted out what I had done...and it just so happens this friend was a cop...just my luck! But he looked out for me, he drove me home and made sure I was okay. From what I hear I did a number on his car...but I did admit to doing it, and though he may have known it was me, he never would have proved it, had I not opened my mouth.

So, here I am fresh out of college, single, punched by the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and now I had to figure some way to pay for his car. As far as I know, there were no police reports, I told him that would be a big mistake...and unfortunately, gonna have to censor it, but lets just say he wasn't going to the police without a repercussion...but honestly, the funniest part is when he called my dad! Yep, that's right, he called my dad to talk about having his car fixed...my dad laid into him over the phone and at the end told him he needed to talk to me...it was great!

So, blah, blah, blah...I paid to have his car fixed, I was now known as the psycho ex-girlfriend,(I did earn it, I am not proud of that moment in my life but I can't take it back, so I have live with it and learn from it) and he was an angel with wings. Puhleaze....we still continued to see each other, I know, can you spell stupid? But like I said I was mesmerized by him...he controlled me...don't know how he did it, but he did...I was in love with him...we didn't really date anymore...but we would get together...and tried not to let anyone know.

Well, by May 2003, we had started seeing each other again...big shocker right?? He wanted to be with me despite my actions and I wanted to be with him despite his actions...so we were taking it slow and moving forward, and then I got that phone call about my dad. I lost it, I needed him terribly...I called him and he didn't answer his phone, so I kept calling and calling and calling until he finally answered...and when he did it wasn't pleasant. He asked me what the f&^% I wanted and why did I keep calling him, he was at work. I blurted out my dad is dead, my dad is gone, I need you please come be with me I need your arms around me. He promised me that he would come over at 3p. I got back to the apartment with my brother and I just began to pack things and overheard Todd saying, are you sure, my dad, no, are you sure about that...I knew it wasn't good news, not that it could be at this point. But I remember him staying no he wouldn't do that, are you sure, and I remember collapsing in the hallway. I kept calling the guy telling him I needed him please hurry, but he didn't. I left Charleston that day with my father dead, the guy that I am in love with telling me that he isn't going to come home for the funeral or to be with me, he has to work...and I left my brother alone in our apartment. The day I lost all the men in my life...May 27, 2003...

When he told me he had to work I called his boss, who was my boss at one time, and he clarified that no he wasn't working unless he wanted too, but as far as he knew he was going out of town to go surfing. Meanwhile, I had no idea that this mans wife was in the hospital with breast cancer. I quickly apologized for disturbing him, and he apologized to me for my loss. I was pissed...Here I stand at the weakest point in my life, and the man I love so much wont even cancel his plans to be with me? I couldn't wrap my head around it. And he didn't come at all...and there were no phone calls to check in on me...nothing except my mom calling his parents, telling them please ask your son to come home and be with my daughter, she needs him. Nothing. I kept telling myself that he didn't deserve to be there anyway...my dad would kill me if he could...he knew what kind of man I was dating and he wanted no part of it...well, I went by his parents house to apologize for my mother calling, luckily they are sweet people and understood. Standing right there on his parents deck, his mom said, I really thought you were the one he was going to marry, I looked at her and said so did I....

Time went on...we ran into each other here and there...we spoke, I think maybe once he apologized for not being there for me...but heck, in my state of mind at that time, he could have serenaded me with love songs and I wouldn't remember.

One day out of the blue he calls me and asks if I can pick him up from the airport, it will be late that night and no one else can....so I did...SUCKER....should have been written all over my forehead. He was with a girl on the plane, but she got off at the last airport...ugh! And then it was time to start making some decisions...meanwhile, I had started dating someone...but that's another day...after that airport pick up and drop off, it was time to make some choices...and my decision was, its time to go home. It wasn't going to make my roommates too happy, but it was time that I started thinking about me and what was good for me. As much as I loved Charleston, I had to leave...and he wasn't the only jerk I left back there...but again that's another day.

So all in all that's my Charleston man. I am sure I missed a few things here and there...some great, some not so great...like the night he surprised me with a dinner downtown...very romantic, sweet everything you ever want in a man...and then there was the guy who cursed at me for calling when my dad died...You can or I can, look back and see the changes, how it starts out emotional, then becomes verbal and finally it gets physical. But these men are different, they know what to say and do to make you think its all your fault...you did this and when in reality no, it was his fist that hit my face a total of 4 times.

And of course, I am a better person for having gone through this detour. It made me realize that he wasn't the one for me and that he was going to be alone for the rest of his life...but maybe he wanted it that way. who knows and at this point who cares...don't get me wrong, as a Christian, I have forgiven him, its not my place to judge, he will do that when he faces our maker, I wish him the best with life and the decisions he chooses. As for me, I am on cloud 9. I have the worlds greatest husband and the 2 most beautiful children that God blessed us with. So I did something right, I moved home.

And here is my soapbox...If you are with a man and he hits you, leave, right then, go and never look back. You aren't the first and you wont be the last. It takes time to get control but they will succeed. They know every move to make, every word to say, every poem to write, they know it all...and you are the first one to hear his spill...and you wont be the last girl either...but its hard, because you fall deeply in love, you are in a trance, you have to be together...or so you think...Girl, its time to get out!!! Stand up and walk away...before you make a $4000 mistake...or worse...just watch MNBC, and the women who kill the ones that beat them...self defense, right? Umm no...find your prince charming. He is out there...let God lead you to him, because when you least expect it, there he is...your prince.

The beginning of the one that got away...

Girls, I think we can all agree that there is someone in your past that you were deeply in love with, or so you thought, and then when it finally ended, you realized it wasn't anything like you thought! I know, what a run on sentence that was...but that is truly what it feels like...and mine was no exception...
Its funny because no matter where I would go, I would meet people from my hometown...seriously, once I went to New York and met some others from Greenwood, and when Nick and I went to Cancun we met another couple who live down the road from us in Woodruff...weird!! Okay, so back to my story. It was my junior year at Lander, we were going to Columbia to celebrate my roommates 21st birthday. Her boyfriend and some other people from the Citadel and Charleston were coming as well. Turns out one of the guys coming is actually roommates with a really good friend of mine!! How cool! So I called this stranger to ask if he was bringing his roommate...he response was no...and I don't think it was a polite one either...

We went to dinner, then to some bars around 5 points. We started talking and I thought he was really cool, he was from Greenwood which was weird, he lived in Charleston, my favorite city, and the the city where I was going to move too after college!!! He was a surfer, which I thought was pretty cool...one downfall, he smoked...gross! So we talked all night and exchanged numbers...I ended up going to the car because I was tired and not feeling well...moving on...he came home to his parents for Thanksgiving...and brought me a birthday card...I got a weird feeling about him, I wasn't that into him...or so I thought...I spent the day with him and that was that...he invited me to Charleston over a weekend...I almost didn't go but at the last minute I got in the car and went...had an amazing weekend...had a blast...he was awesome...very sweet...introduced me to his friends...I thought wow, this guy could be it...we started dating...it was perfect, or at least to me...he came over at Christmas to meet my family...right away, my dad disliked him...guess he could see what I couldn't.

During the Spring semester we dated, I would travel to Charleston almost every weekend, and once in a blue moon he would come to Gwd, but it was like pulling teeth to get him there. We talked on the phone every day, all the time...it didn't seem weird to me then, but now, I look back and realize that he called me after every class...and several times over and over if he didn't get me on the first try...To me it was a sweet gesture, one that showed he cared about me, to others, it was psychoatic...seriously, did we have to talk every time I had a free minute...Well, I began to become interested in another guy...I was honest with him...I told them both...it turned into a little game for all of us...who would I choose? I couldn't make up my mind...I would break it off to date the guy here then feel guilty and go back to dating the guy from Charleston...It was pure hell...I didn't know which guy I really wanted...but the one in Charleston said all the right things, wanted the same things as I did...kids, marriage, a future...and well the other guy could care less...in the end I chose Charleston...guess we can call him that! During this whole time I was beginning to change...I didn't see it, but everyone else around me did...my family and my best friend. I just thought it was love, the real deal, and I wasn't changing, but making compromises, I mean thats what a relationship is about, right? I was beginning to stop hanging out with my Zeta sisters, changing the way I dressed...ended up quitting my job because it caused too much conflict with us...and that was a job that I loved!!! But still I didn't see anything wrong in what I was doing...even driving to Charleston one night after midnight because I went out with some friends to a bar, and he got mad...seriously upset with me...wouldn't answer the phone, nothing...so I got in the car and drove to see him and make sure everything was okay...besides he was the one...and I couldn't let him get away...we started talking about me coming to Charleston to live for the summer and maybe even transferring to CofC for my last semester that fall...we were planning our lives together, our future...talked about our wedding...you name it...I applied for an internship at News Channel 5, located in West Ashley, right down from where he lived! I talked to my parents as well...and even though they were not thrilled about the idea of me living with a guy, the internship was a great opportunity, plus I did have family there in Charleston.

So that summer I packed up what little clothes I still had after he convinced me to get rid of most of them,(tank tops, dresses, outfits that were somewhat revealing) and I moved to Charleston to live with him while I did an internship with News Channel 5...the relationship wasn't so perfect anymore...I can't tell you how many times I left and came back...thankfully I had some girl friends in Charleston too and they would let me crash at their place from time to time...mainly it was emotional abuse, made me feel like I was alone, he was all I had and he was all I needed and then it became verbal...but I didn't notice...but I can see I can see it when I look back now...he was always picking on me to work out constantly telling me what my flaws were, to work, he got me a job with his company...and also on my days off, made me go with him to work...and get up super early on weekends to go to the beach...okay, so going to the beach isn't that bad, but hello, remember I burn easily...and there was no where to go to get away from the sun!!! We began to argue over everything...and he began to isolate me more and more from my family...he didn't want to go to Greenwood, and didn't want me to go, and of course I didn't want to go without him...he gave me guilt trip after guilt trip.

One night I went to dinner with some friends. We went downtown to the steakhouse at the market...well the wait was terrible and it was after 9p when we got seated...he called me over and over. I had a curfew!! He wanted me to come home before he went to bed...at the time I didn't think it was bad, it was sweet, I saw it as he wanted me there next to him...but it wasn't that at all...he just wanted to control me...I ended up  having to box my food up and leave because I had to come home...dinner became an intervention, but I didn't think anything of it...I went home to my sweet boyfriend...ahhhhh, he loves me so much that he wants me there beside him all the time...but, the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize it was control, I mean what the hell...I couldn't even go out to dinner with friends?

Then there was the day something, a gut feeling, told me to look in a drawer where he kept odds and ends (I wasn't snooping, I went into this drawer a thousand times before)...and under a pair of shorts was a girls number...wth? Why was this number here...and it was not there last week...kinda getting that crazy feeling, becauseI knew there was something in there, knew in my heart...just like I knew it when my high school boyfriend cheated on me...I just knew...ladies, you know what I am talking about, that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and you know something is not right. Well, next an old girlfriend from college starts calling...umm, I am not down with that. There is no reason for to be calling him, much less know his number, especially since it had changed while we were dating...so she had to get the new number some how...(Looking back I see what a jealous person he made me, insecure about myself and my world) The first time it got physical, it was really nothing...but now looking back, it was a clear sign...my best friend Ash was in town visiting and just like any other time, he and I were arguing, who knows about what...but we were in the bedroom when he shoved me down, I fell into the clothes hamper, and I barely hit the edge of the bed...not cool...I jumped up and got in his face, I think I may have kicked his leg or something, anyways, he starts yelling for Ashley to come help him because I am going crazy on him...haha!! Til this day she and I still laugh about that!

From there the relationship got worse...but I didn't see it...he even called me his exe's name, but I was so in love that I didn't care...my world revolved around him, he was my world...I tried breaking up with him a couple of times, but I was in love and I really thought he was the one, and somehow he always made me feel guilty, like I had done something wrong...That summer was full of arguements...ups and downs, good times, bad times...its strange, because looking back it feels like we dated for a long time, but we didn't, roughly a year...and that was on and off!! But he stayed in my life a lot longer...funny what "love" can make you think and do...That was also the summer that I didn't spend Father's Day with my dad...man, my mom was so pissed...that was his last Fathers Day.

At the end of the summer I moved back in with my parents for my last semester of college. I was still going back and forth to Charleston on a weekly basis...I knew the way to Charleston like the back of my hand...and boy did I end up with lots of speeding tickets...but I didn't care...I even got pulled over by an off duty cop in Columbia for speeding...this guy cursed me left and right...looking back I don't blame him...I was being stupid....but getting to Charleston as quickly as I could was my goal...I hated being away from him...he was all that I had.

to be continued...

Something happy and cheery....

Well, today driving home from our play date, I thought to myself that I needed to post a blog about happy things. I don't want my friends and followers to think that everything in my life is bad, that I am unstable and could possibly crack at any moment....okay well that last part might be true!! Just kidding...I am utilizing this blog to share with you the bad times I endured, the heartache I felt about losing my dad and the love that I share with my wonderful hubby Nick and our 2 beautiful children.

I didn't get the chance to tell you all about Ansley's first dance recital. Poor thing was getting over a stomach bug and strep throat, but she was a trooper!!! In the beginning, I must admit I was the mom that said no way to make up...Ansley is only 3 years old she is beautiful just the way she is...well, by the time recital came around we had started playing with different hair styles, super curly is how she liked it...me I think she is beautiful just the way God made her....but anyhow, we ended up with 2 pigtails, and then curled the pigtails...we put on make up and dolled her all up...she loved it. To this day while I am in the bathroom getting ready she comes in with me and has to also get ready. Gosh, it seems like it was only yesterday that we brought this teeny tiny little baby home from the hospital. She was born December 17, 2007...19 inches long and weighed 6 pounds 13oz...She was so little! And perfect! The first Prochaska girl in over 60 years...and yes you did read that correctly.  To all of us moms and dads our child is perfect in all that they do...and for me Ansley is no exception. She started 3k at Woodruff for the last semester of school and will start in August this year and go all year. I was super excited...for various reasons, one, I would get a break and some time to spend with Adam and two, she was going to meet new friends and start learning!! Who knew she was going to follow in her mommy's footsteps and love school!!! Each night we would have to pick out her outfit from head to toe...and she would put on her chair, I was the same way. I laid my clothes out every night as well...Sometimes its still hard to believe that I am a mom, a mom of 2, and married. I am so blessed, I really am. I know I had a rough time growing up and losing friends and then my dad, but through it all I have been blessed. I was so excited about having a baby girl...like I said the first in over 60 years on the Prochaska side...now granted she will be a tomboy/princess...and yes she can pull that off!! I wanted everything pink!!! Funny, you don't think about your next pregnancy and how it might not be another girl...and well that was very far away. I was given and bought the most adorable little girl clothes...I loved to dress her...now she barely lets me pick out her outfit!!! But I will say that Ansley has good fashion taste...but I still get to help pick them out...My little monkee, already 3...where does the time go! Like I said she loved school and can't wait to go back. We practice singing our ABC's  and 123's everyday! She can already tell you what her name starts with and point it out to you!!! We are working on learning to write her name and spell her name this summer. Plus, as we travel we get to mail in post cards to the school....and the winner will get a gift card for Toys R Us...hoping to win the historical category with Star Fort in 96! But its so much fun to see her eyes light up when she is singing or when she figures something out by herself. Of course she is only 3 so we do have our MELTDOWNS!! I am trying to keep her busy this summer...scheduling play dates, which I can't lie are also beneficial to me...its so nice to talk to other moms...you really learn a lot!! We are very proud of Ansley, for the last 2 weeks she has worn her big girl panties to bed and no accidents!! So proud!!! I was told that she is beginning to look like me...I can see it, but I still think she looks like her daddy, and of course my handsome lil man looks like me and my dad...but he is going through a Prochaska phase...when he smiles he looks like his daddy! I am so thankful that God brought Nick and I together. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. But I will save our story for another time. So Ansley is growing up...she is very smart...she beginning to learn her manners, but boy does she ever pick on her brother...and I am telling you, she has no idea what she is in for in a few months!!!

Adam, awe, where can I start...he is a mommas boy, well at least to me he is...and I love it...I love how he smiles from ear to ear when I go into to get him up in the mornings. But just like with Ansley it is all going by so fast...sometimes I have to stop, and just breath it all in and just look at my babies. He cut his first tooth in April, and actually he cut his second tooth that same week....so he has 2 bottom teeth, and he loves to bite whatever comes near his mouth...like my toes one night!!!! OUCH! My best friend Ash got married on April 30, well Adam was beginning to make some moves towards crawling when we took him to his grandparents in 96 and when we picked him up, he was crawling everywhere...and well, I think its funny...but his big head will get him off balance and down he goes. I don't worry too much about it tho, because I know the Prochaska head is hard....and I mean hard...my nephew, Chase, fractured my nose when he was 2...it still hurts!! Okay, so we get back home and Adam is crawling everywhere, then all of a sudden he is pulling himself up to standing...ALREADY!!!! I am thinking out loud, no Adam not yet..give me some more time!! I was 8 months old when I started walking...Adam will be 8 months on June 14~I am going to have to start planning his birthday soon...yes, I am OCD...and will begin looking at themes and what have you, to start planning...anyways, now not only is Adam crawling all over the place, Ansley has taught him to pull up on the stairs...furniture, whatever he can and now he walking along the furniture...I am so sad....my little baby is no more...and well for the record he was never little!!! He was born October 14, 2010 21 inches long, 9 pounds 2oz. This boy came out ready to play football...luckily I brought 2 outfits to the hospital because one of them was too small!! I still have loads of newborn diapers...never got to use them...clothing was so much easier with Ansley, she was right in her age/size range, while monster Adam is not...He will be wearing 12 months soon....(and I will throw this in...we love hand me downs...so if you have a boy or girl and want to unload some clothes, leave a comment). Clothes are so expensive...so we are always up for exchanging cloths!!

Those are my loves...Ansley and Adam, and yes that was planned...Ansley Danielle, she is named Danielle after my father who was Daniel, and we both liked Ansley because it was different! And of course the second one had to have an A name...so he was named after his daddy Nicholas Adam, and his grandpa Clarence Joseph, thus we have Adam Joseph....I love it. Ansley actually likes to call him Adam Josie....but like I said earlier, she is going to feel the wrath of Adam before too much longer...I mean seriously, 3 years apart but only a 10 pound difference in weight!!! These two little monkees are the reason I get up in the morning and sleep at night...I love to hear Ansley tell me how much she loves me, which is usually to the moon and back....gotta love that book, guess how much I love you! She gives great hugs and kisses, and the conversations she can have...that's a whole other story in itself. Eventually, I will go back to work at least part time, but right now I am working full time at home with my family...and yes it is a very demanding position...but I love it!!

Oh, and on the OCD note...our dog is also Amaretta....all A's...weird, I know! Well I hope I didn't bore you and that you were able to see  side of me that isn't depressed or upset. But completely opposite...I thank God every day for the life he has blessed me with...We are the Prochaska's!