more on Charleston...

I know its been about a week since I last blogged, my apologies to those who are reading and were left to wonder about the rest of the story...but well, being a SAHM of 2 kids doesn't give me a lot of free time to blog...

So lets just jump right back into the story...at some point we decided to drive down to Florida to see my college roommate, also a best friend, and her boyfriend. Who knew that this trip was going to change our relationship forever. All was going well, until we all drove down to South Miami for a night of clubbing. My friend and I had went shopping and bought new outfits, the whole girlie thing to do. He and I took pics on the beach...we all took pics and so on...the first bar we went to was owned and managed by my friends boyfriends brother...(alot of words to write since I am not using names...lol). I leaned over the table and he started making comments about my shirt being too low cut, and was I trying to show everyone my boobs...I was crushed...I bought the damn shirt because I thought he would like it...well, it just kept escalating at each bar...which sux because we had VIP status everywhere...no lines, no waits, and we got to see and meet famous people...

Finally, at the last bar we went too, I had enough of his comments...I smacked him...he flipped and said he was going back to the room, I followed...the arguing continued. And when we got back to the room, he punched me...its funny how I remember it, it was like slow motion in a movie, as my hair whips around my face...but I am thinking "did that really just happen and why didn't it hurt?" I began hitting him back, he punched me 2 more times and also choked me...the choke marks were the only marks left the next day...and my mom actually thought it was a hickey...but anyways, back to the story...all of a sudden I just felt all this rage come out and I began hitting him to the point where I busted his nose and lips...and even though he hit me and choked me, I still felt horrible about the situation. It was over, we were done...heck, I was going to fly back to Charleston and decided against it...we still slept in the same bed that night...and I found myself apologizing over and over and over...I began to kiss the ground he walked on...trying to hold to anything I could to salvage this relationship, but it would never be the same.

Believe it or not, you would think that this is where the story ends...right? Ha, nope it didn't...he now had more control over me then ever before. I felt like everything was always my fault and I had to make it up to constantly...by the time December 2002 rolled around, I was about graduate from college. Finally!!! And myself and some others had rented out Sports Break for our Graduation party...I was telling him all about it and he told me that he would come to my graduation but that was it, he was leaving after and I could come if I wanted too. By this point, I am thinking what a complete ass...he wont even come to  my graduation and enjoy the party, why?? Because he didn't like Greenwood. Well, for one freaking night you can suck it up and pretend!

And then came graduation day, I remember sitting there in my seat looking all around the auditorium for him. I thought for sure he would be there, that even though he said he wasn't coming he wouldn't miss this day...it was a very important day. So there I am looking around everywhere, and I see his roommate, my heart begins to flutter...but he was no where to be found. I was completely crushed, and yet still so in love with him...

proned to pick out the assholes every time? It would seem so for at least another year...

This next part is well horrible...embarrassing, but it was truly an out of body experience. He called and asked if I wanted to go see our friends band on a Friday and he would bring my hairbrush then...I stood my ground and said no, I had already made plans to go with Ash. She came down for the weekend, and on that Friday we drank a lot...had a good time...it was her, me, my roommate and another girl and we drove my truck to the place. All was good, until I turned around to see him with another girl (already????), and the girl was under age! I went over and knocked the crap out of him...next thing I know, I am outside walking around. I am sure it wasn't as long as I thought, but it seemed like forever...where was Ash, my roommate the other girl...did they not see me get kicked out?? Were they just going to party on and leave me outside? The anger was taking over and I was becoming furious. Finally, the other girl who came with us comes outside to "check" on me...well I tell I want my keys and she gives them to me and goes about her business. And still Ash nor my roommate have come out to check on me. I couldn't believe it...What I did next is shocking, immature, stupid, but I was full of rage and to this day I swear I watched myself from above...so what did I do? I finally had my psycho moment...I keyed the crap out of his car, kicked it, punched it and everything...I messed it up...$4000 damage in a matter of 5 minutes or so...finally, someone comes out to check on me, by now I was in my car...well, I blurted out what I had done...and it just so happens this friend was a cop...just my luck! But he looked out for me, he drove me home and made sure I was okay. From what I hear I did a number on his car...but I did admit to doing it, and though he may have known it was me, he never would have proved it, had I not opened my mouth.

So, here I am fresh out of college, single, punched by the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and now I had to figure some way to pay for his car. As far as I know, there were no police reports, I told him that would be a big mistake...and unfortunately, gonna have to censor it, but lets just say he wasn't going to the police without a repercussion...but honestly, the funniest part is when he called my dad! Yep, that's right, he called my dad to talk about having his car fixed...my dad laid into him over the phone and at the end told him he needed to talk to me...it was great!

So, blah, blah, blah...I paid to have his car fixed, I was now known as the psycho ex-girlfriend,(I did earn it, I am not proud of that moment in my life but I can't take it back, so I have live with it and learn from it) and he was an angel with wings. Puhleaze....we still continued to see each other, I know, can you spell stupid? But like I said I was mesmerized by him...he controlled me...don't know how he did it, but he did...I was in love with him...we didn't really date anymore...but we would get together...and tried not to let anyone know.

Well, by May 2003, we had started seeing each other again...big shocker right?? He wanted to be with me despite my actions and I wanted to be with him despite his actions...so we were taking it slow and moving forward, and then I got that phone call about my dad. I lost it, I needed him terribly...I called him and he didn't answer his phone, so I kept calling and calling and calling until he finally answered...and when he did it wasn't pleasant. He asked me what the f&^% I wanted and why did I keep calling him, he was at work. I blurted out my dad is dead, my dad is gone, I need you please come be with me I need your arms around me. He promised me that he would come over at 3p. I got back to the apartment with my brother and I just began to pack things and overheard Todd saying, are you sure, my dad, no, are you sure about that...I knew it wasn't good news, not that it could be at this point. But I remember him staying no he wouldn't do that, are you sure, and I remember collapsing in the hallway. I kept calling the guy telling him I needed him please hurry, but he didn't. I left Charleston that day with my father dead, the guy that I am in love with telling me that he isn't going to come home for the funeral or to be with me, he has to work...and I left my brother alone in our apartment. The day I lost all the men in my life...May 27, 2003...

When he told me he had to work I called his boss, who was my boss at one time, and he clarified that no he wasn't working unless he wanted too, but as far as he knew he was going out of town to go surfing. Meanwhile, I had no idea that this mans wife was in the hospital with breast cancer. I quickly apologized for disturbing him, and he apologized to me for my loss. I was pissed...Here I stand at the weakest point in my life, and the man I love so much wont even cancel his plans to be with me? I couldn't wrap my head around it. And he didn't come at all...and there were no phone calls to check in on me...nothing except my mom calling his parents, telling them please ask your son to come home and be with my daughter, she needs him. Nothing. I kept telling myself that he didn't deserve to be there anyway...my dad would kill me if he could...he knew what kind of man I was dating and he wanted no part of it...well, I went by his parents house to apologize for my mother calling, luckily they are sweet people and understood. Standing right there on his parents deck, his mom said, I really thought you were the one he was going to marry, I looked at her and said so did I....

Time went on...we ran into each other here and there...we spoke, I think maybe once he apologized for not being there for me...but heck, in my state of mind at that time, he could have serenaded me with love songs and I wouldn't remember.

One day out of the blue he calls me and asks if I can pick him up from the airport, it will be late that night and no one else can....so I did...SUCKER....should have been written all over my forehead. He was with a girl on the plane, but she got off at the last airport...ugh! And then it was time to start making some decisions...meanwhile, I had started dating someone...but that's another day...after that airport pick up and drop off, it was time to make some choices...and my decision was, its time to go home. It wasn't going to make my roommates too happy, but it was time that I started thinking about me and what was good for me. As much as I loved Charleston, I had to leave...and he wasn't the only jerk I left back there...but again that's another day.

So all in all that's my Charleston man. I am sure I missed a few things here and there...some great, some not so great...like the night he surprised me with a dinner downtown...very romantic, sweet everything you ever want in a man...and then there was the guy who cursed at me for calling when my dad died...You can or I can, look back and see the changes, how it starts out emotional, then becomes verbal and finally it gets physical. But these men are different, they know what to say and do to make you think its all your fault...you did this and when in reality no, it was his fist that hit my face a total of 4 times.

And of course, I am a better person for having gone through this detour. It made me realize that he wasn't the one for me and that he was going to be alone for the rest of his life...but maybe he wanted it that way. who knows and at this point who cares...don't get me wrong, as a Christian, I have forgiven him, its not my place to judge, he will do that when he faces our maker, I wish him the best with life and the decisions he chooses. As for me, I am on cloud 9. I have the worlds greatest husband and the 2 most beautiful children that God blessed us with. So I did something right, I moved home.

And here is my soapbox...If you are with a man and he hits you, leave, right then, go and never look back. You aren't the first and you wont be the last. It takes time to get control but they will succeed. They know every move to make, every word to say, every poem to write, they know it all...and you are the first one to hear his spill...and you wont be the last girl either...but its hard, because you fall deeply in love, you are in a trance, you have to be together...or so you think...Girl, its time to get out!!! Stand up and walk away...before you make a $4000 mistake...or worse...just watch MNBC, and the women who kill the ones that beat them...self defense, right? Umm no...find your prince charming. He is out there...let God lead you to him, because when you least expect it, there he is...your prince.