I have been dreading this, but at the same time looking forward to getting it all out. As a kid I can honestly say that I loved the month of May...it meant that summer vacation was about to start and I was able to get a break from all the bullying...or at least try. But well, all of that changed back in 2003. Now, I wish that I could just sleep through the month, waking up for Mothers Day to be with my children, but then falling back into a deep sleep until June.
And this year is no exception. One week ago tonight, one of my husbands best friend, childhood friend, neighborhood friend, school friend, riding buddy, volleyball buddy and so much more was in a tragic motorcycle accident. Yep, that is right, it happened in May. Tucker has just turned 34 on May 4...he was a quiet yet talkative man, more knowledgeable on probably every subject than you can even begin to imagine. He didn't graduate from high school, and it wasn't because he wasn't smart enough...it bored him. So, instead he got his GED and went on with life. He loved his friends, to this day I am still trying to figure out how he butt dialed us so much...I suppose smart phones aren't always as smart as advertised. He was there whenever we needed him. He helped us moved into our house, and even though a couple's baby shower wasn't his "thing" he still stopped by to deliver a box of diapers and baby spoons...looking back, I can't think of one ill or mean thing to say about him. Over the last 7 years I have grown to love this man, my husband called his best friend. And I wonder why, just like I always do, like we all do, why him?
This time last week Nick and I were going to bed. It was closer to 11pm and our phone rang, well, if you know us we don't answer late at night, but for some reason we both had an eerie feeling, but we still didn't answer, then immediately following that call, came another call from a close friend. I knew something was wrong...and I knew it had to be one of 2 people. We still didn't answer, but the next morning Adam woke me up at 6:30am, which is rare and well I discovered the news. How was I going to tell Nick that his best friend is in a coma, and on life support. You have to understand, Nick has never lost anyone close to him, yet he married me, the queen of death. And after talking to Nick, he said he just had this sick feeling all week, that he couldn't shake...guess my 6th sense is beginning to rub off a little. By 11am, I called him and told him it was time to come home from work, that we needed to go to the hospital. This is something that Nick didn't do. I told him that I wasn't going to beg or try to convince him otherwise, but to think about this man...and all that he has done not just for us, but for him. I know he was breaking down on the inside, though on the outside you couldn't tell. Go figure, I married a man very similar to my father. We made it to the hospital around 2p...went up and visited with some friends and family. I really didn't think Nick would go back to visit him, but he mustered up the strength and he went back with a friend first, then he came back out and got me...Tucker looked as though he was in a deep sleep, comfortable. I touched his shoulder, to let him know we were there, and talked to him, he got goosebumps, just a natural reaction tho...I knew it wasn't good. I knew in my heart that would be the last time I saw Tucker breathing. I was heartbroken...I mean who was going to chat with me about Harry Potter!! Nick doesn't like the series, but Tucker got me through my first pregnancy with the last 2-3 books of the series. And from then on he would bring me a new book after he finished it. I still have one, that I haven't started reading yet...maybe now would be a good time to start. Anyways, Nick went back a third time with another best friend. He spoke to Tucker, told him that he kept his end of the pact, that yes he indeed had a drink for him. And while he was back there the 3rd time, he couldn't resist...he pulled the hair on Tucker's big toe, told him how he had always wanted to do that and the only person he knew that had that much hair on their toes was his wife...yep, that's right...me...thanks honey! Though I am positive that Tucker got a good laugh abt it. After we left the hospital we went to lunch with some friends and talked about our memories of Tucker and what a great guy he was. We all knew he was gone, but we also knew he was at peace. Later we received the phone call that yes, Tucker had passed.
So this is May 2011, another shitty May, sorry for the language but well that is the truth. Friday, will be one year since my aunt passed away. I think of her a lot, she was my dads only sister and after he passed we became so close. That was Nana...Ansley's Nana. And of course I can't skip May 27...tho if anything I would love to just blackout for the day. That is the day that I lost my daddy 8 years ago. A day that is etched in my mind...one that I can recall detail by detail...from my first panic attack to the phone calls, to arriving home...it still seems like yesterday. The one day that changed my family forever. Although, I was 23 then and now I am 31, married and have 2 beautiful children. I still feel that a part of me is missing...and it is, but I know he is with me.
I believe I have rambled enough. I wanted to remember Tucker, I want everyone to remember him. I want his family to know that I love them, and that we are here for them. Like I have stated before, we all have tragedy along our journey.
I will leave you with this, which I am borrowing from status shuffle on facebook..."
1 comments:
Thinking about Tara as the 8 year mark approaches. I'm always here if you ever need ANYTHING.
Seems like you and Nick had a pretty great friend in Tucker. RIP Tucker!
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