Sometimes the tears just pour like rain...



Yellow isn't just for soldiers...its for suicide victims too

 I am sitting here at my computer, crying, know that I should be in bed right now. I know that 6:45am comes early, and not feeling well on top of that, well bed is where I should be, but here I am on my blog.

I want to thank the people who have inboxed me on facebook about suicide and how it has affected their life in some way, or even depression. That makes this battle all the more important to me, but its still such a taboo subject, I plan to begin to change that, at least here in my area or where ever I can.

Anyways, I keep checking the page that I have created to invite others to join my team and walk on October 9, 2011, in an Out of the Darkness, Prevent Suicide and make Awareness. I pretty much sent to everyone on my friends list. I know that some defintely can't come because they live in NY or Florida. But I am surprised by those who aren't attending that are so close. Maybe it wasn't enough time for people to plan. Maybe it was my fault, because I was unable to attend 2 very special occassions for one of my closest friends.(Now granted, I know she has a reason she can't come, and whatever it is I understand). Maybe this is my karma. But please know that just like everyone else who loses a loved one to a sudden death, you are not alone...there are groups out there, and finally, finally, after 8 years I have found mine.

I am not ashamed of my father in any way. I love him more and more each day even if he can't hug me and kiss me my cheek and tell me it will be okay. I can't pick up the phone anymore to hear his voice...just saying my name...I can't sit on the porch with him and have discussions that are so beyond my realm of intelligence, but I loved every minute of it...because I was with him, just us. So here it is National Suicide Awareness and Prevention week and no one seems to care, not the news not anyone...unless you count their recent loss, meaning the news. And Sunday, wow what a day. Not only is it World Wide Suicide Awareness and Prevention, but its the 10th anniversary of 9/11. Can you even think what will get the most attention? Please don't get me wrong, I hate that so many lives were lost that day and thankful that my friends and their family in NY are all okay. But there are those that chose to committ suicide on that day. They saw no other way out. How do you think a person who committs suicide feels just before they pull the trigger...there is no other way out. So think about it because these 2 events go hand in hand. But because of the 9/11 tragedy, their suicides are treated differently, than those of us who lost a loved one, on a normal day, no planes crashing into buildings, no terriost attacks...but we too, are still left behing to pick up the pieces without memorials or candle light vigels. No one wants to talk to us about the suicide that happened in our live, they don't want to gather at Gibbs Stadium and remember the mothers, daughters, fathers, brothers, friends, military soldiers, who killed themselves not because of 9/11 but because in their mind they saw no other way.

If you are interested here is a link to my team page, we have decided Team "Pop" was most appropriate.
http://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/teampop

Check it out, donate online, email me...I am here for anyone who has ever had a loss to suicide or is fighting depression. Only through Awareness and Prevetion can we make people realize this is a National story and tragedy.

No stranger to the word suicide...and the darkness it brings

I am almost certain you know how this will start...I have thought and thought all day on what to sit and type, the words flowing in my brain a thousand times a minute. But now as I sit here in front of the computer, I am not drawing a blank, I am not crying, at least not yet...I am thinking about suicide and it affects so many people, common people, like me and you. Not just celebrities who go broke, or get depressed, may God bless all of them and their families during these times. But what about me? On May 27, 2003, my father killed himself, yes he went and did the forbidden, he committed suicide. He left behind, me at the age of 23, my brother who was 31, (strangely, that is how old I am), 2 beautiful grandchildren, his wife, his mother, his sister, and three brothers. Did you ever see it on the news? Did you hear about a candle light vigel in his memory. No. Actaully, no one knew what happened. Most thought he went to sleep and never woke up. As you see it didn't occur in our homestate of South Carolina, at the time his job transferred him to Chattanooga, TN, where in less than ONE hour his death was ruled suicide, and his body was loaded into the coroners van, off to the morgue and put in a pine box in the same clothes he had been wearing, a yellow button up collared shirt, blue jeans, and his belt, a braided one, and he was shipped home with other peoples luggage. Not much honor in that. Those people, even if it is thier job, could care less, that I was a daddy'd girl...and talked to him on the phone almost everyday, and he sounded happier than he had ever been. That one day in May tore my family apart for years, and it seems that we are just now beginning to pick up the pieces. It's just so odd that of all the times I was online, God brought me to a particular website hi-lighting that September 4-10 is Suicide Prevention and Awareness week with Sunday being World Wide Suicide Awareness day. It is weird because it's like I have this skeleton in my closet, and I am supposed to be ashamed, keep it a secret...keep smiling, make up some reason why he isn't here. Well, I am sorry, but I am not longer playing that role. I am standing up and telling it like it is...within the last 48 hours I know of 2 suicides that were successful and a third that wasn't, not for the likes of trying. And then I read an article that says its genetic...and was actually told that because my father killed himself I am much more likely to committ suicide as well. Really??? Don't get me wrong, sometimes it seems like such a wonderful way out...but my life isn't bad. I have 2 beautiful children, a neice, three nephews, a brother, my mother, a grandmother, and lots more family that need me. But most of all its my children and my husband. I want them to know me and I want them to know their "Pop", because they never will if I am not here to tell them. I lost so much on that day...most of which I will never get back, but I remember my dad...now all I have are memories, a feeling in my heart to make others aware of this deep dark secret that some many people have experienced. A friend from college, her brother shot himself in a church parking lot while we were in high school....my uncle took too many pills and drank a can of beer, my cousin just last year overdosed on his mothers morphine, a close friend drank anit-freeze in college, thankfully he was found and saved, however, another friend from high school wasnt as lucky, her father shot himself, and then my aunts husband called my mother to see when she was coming home, (this is when she lived in Barnwell, after my dad had passed) when they pulled into the drive way there he was hanging from a tree with his belt. I remember at church a mother of someone that I went to school with, giving her testimony about how she tried to kill her herself and was unsuccessful. I have strangers, friends of friends and so on, confide in me their suicide story, you see we are all affected, not just me, even though that is what it feels like. I had a friend whose father committed suicide, he and I became even closer after my dad passed, I finally had someone to talk to, someone who know how I felt, someone who understood me, and then on October 22, 2005 he was killed in an automobile accident.

I have read numerous stories about children and teens who are driven to suicide because of bullies. What is wrong with this picture? We are losing soldiers everyday, not too mention that their suicide rate is quite high. When did life become worth not living, when did your loved ones become worth not living for? Unfortuantely, that one statement contradicts everything that I have ever said about my dad taking his own life. Call me a hypocrite. My father was 50 years old when he killed himself. I tell myself and anyone that asks, he was a grown man, he could make his own decisions and he believed that if chose this route, we, his family, were strong enough to pick up and keep going. I wonder what he thought as he watched as we each deteriated in our own ways, me, well it took some time for it to even hit me, mom, she didn't get of the bed for months, my brother went on a binge. There we were a family so torn apart, but he must of thought we could make it. And you know what, there are parts of me that say it wasn't suicide at all, but I have been told that those who experience such a traumatic event like suicide will "make up" other reasons for the death. So, in that aspect I am suppose I am a liar too. The truth is I am torn right down the middle, I know my dad was capable of doing it, he told me to my face, and yet when I looked at the Crime Scene Photos, it just didn't look right....so many things out of place, so many stories that didn't make any sense, like for starters, why would he use the gun my brother has just but him for Christmas, he had 2 others in a closet and one in his truck. Why was his body positioned in such a way on the couch that he was half way off, as if someone was sitting on him, was was his belt undone and tucked under his jeans, his legs crossed perfectly...why was everything so perfectly set up? Oh, and how come the neighbors could hear his dog Missy yapping over the weekend, a miniature yorkie, but you mean to tell me that NO ONE heard the sound of a .45 glock going off? And I am sure you are thinking to yourself, oh my goodness, she has seen all the photos, yes, I have and that is not how I think of him at all. I don't think of him in a casket, I think of him alive, sitting on the front porch talking to me when he got home from work. I think of me crawling into his lap and getting butterfly kisses, since I was too old for the others kisses! I think of the hard working, respectable man he was, the man that would do anything he had to for his family, even if it meant sacrificing for himself. You see, just one week earlier, well, the date he received it was May 22, I sent him a card, it was a thank you card, he sent me $100 to help with my rent down in Charleston, I remember he told me, he wished he could send more but that is all he had...and in the card I wrote, thank you, told him how much I loved him, how well we were doing and that I need to him to stay strong because I needed my daddy for a long time, 5 days later he was gone. That is the hardest memory that I have to deal with, I borrowed money, what if that could have saved his life? Yes, I know we could always ask what if, but if you want real, then this is it. Stepping back a minute, I no longer have the pictures. Once we started our family we decided that it was best to destroy them, by burning them. I didn't want my children to EVER stumble upon those pictures. However, I still have all the paperwork, medical and dental records, that I will keep. I am sure that most people who see and meet me don't think I have this dark secret hidden in my heart, but I do. Everyday I think about him, and what he is missing out on, he didn't get to walk me down the aisle, but I am thankful that my brother was there to fill his shoes when I needed him. He isn't going to meet his new grandchildren, and unfortunately only one really remembers him, my neice was too young, but she did write him a letter and it was placed in his jacket pocket along with a family photo. I know, why do we do these things, their souls are long gone, but it felt right. I mean at one time I was practically curled up in his lap...I did spray him down with cologne so that he smelled like my dad even if he couldn't hold me back.

I began to look for answers. I began to seek out help from my friends who were familiar with the Bible, do you know that some wouldn't even have the conversation with me. I don't know the truth to this, but I remember learning at one time that if you commit suicide, you are never at peace, you are constantly reliving that moment and you are most definitely going to hell. I will be the first to tell you that my father is in Heaven, and when its my turn he will be waiting for me. He was a saved man, but he was a private man, a man of few words. But he was my dad and no matter what he always will be.

I ask you not to be shy or afraid to confront me about this situation. As for the stages of Grieving, I am not so sure I believe in them...only because some days I am angry, others I cry, and some days I am at peace. Guess, I am just crazy.

You can help...Septmeber 4-10 is awareness and prevention...unfortunately, my dad was in another state and sounded happier than he had in years, I saw no warning signs. So here I am  eight years later still trying to pick up pieces and keep on living.

Shoooweee...what a day!!!

I am pretty darn proud of myself, the last 2 weeks!! I have been getting up around 6:45am to get Ansley to school, and this week I have been walking each  morning with my friend Suzanne.  And I am beginning to feel the burn, but I am truly amazed at the energy I have now. I am loving the walking, but most of all the girl time! So cheesy, I know...but after living here for 5 years, I have finally met a true "girl" friend, we have so much fun together!! I love hanging out with her, talking our girl talk, exercising and overall just having a good start to our day!! Plus, I love that our children are so close in age, the girls are a yr apart and so are the boys. I think I see some great friendships blooming!!! Even though I have all this energyby the end of the day, line right now its bedtime, I am warn out and exhausted!! However, I had to blog about my day and a few other things!!

Funny story, yesterday, some how my alarm wasn't set, and at 7:33am Ansley comes into the room asking for milk...I jump up out of the bed yelling, holy cow, we are going to be late...let's go brush your teeth and hair and etc...needless to say we walked out of the house, and I had both kids, at 7:45am...yay, she was time for school. Though I did find out today that she seems to think her mommy is late picking her up! I was there with all the other parents...but she had a sour look, and informed me that I was late...well, alrighty then!! It was cute! Wow, my daughter is just like me!!! And thats funny because today I spent the day with my mom, and though I thought I would never in a million years say this, I can see myself turning into her, in certain ways of course!!! She and I were talking but at the time both our anxiety levels were high, and weren't yelling, just talking loudly...stressed out...anyway, Ansley says, "Are you guys arguing?" It was precious!! I had to tell her no, that mommy and mema were 2 peas in a pod and were just talking, she said umm, okay. But seriously, I know where my anxiety issues come from, or where I inherited them from, but my dad also had issues with anxiety. We had went to moms after I picked monkee up from school, well Adam was tired but wouldn't nap because he wasn't in a familiar place, so as all you mommies know, a cranky baby, makes for a cranky mommy! Well, Nick came over to show me his truck (story below), and also to look at something for my mom, then my brother stopped by so we could see Bradley's Clemson orange cast. He is still thinking whether or not he wants anyone to sign it!!! He is only 7!!! So the whole gang was there...mom decided to cook. While she was at the store, Nick went home to sleep, and Todd went home...and here I am left to handle mom!!! We worked it all out, Adam and I came home took naps and we all went back over and ate Spaghetti!!! Nothing like a home cooked meal to end your day!! And of course, I brought leftovers home for Nick, but umm, you know I will eat some too!!! Ansley decided to stay with mom, and I will pick her up from school. A nice little break...tho I miss snuggling!!! But all in all the point to that was, at the young age of 31, I am beginning to see my mother in me, in so many ways, but its good. My mom is a good woman, who unfortunately, has a lot of horrific situations that she has had to deal with! But she is still here and I love her...one day we will probably have matching white coats, sharing a room!!



The buck hit the grill, rolled, hit side mirror, breaking it...



So as you all know Nick works nights, and he hasn't had the best of luck when it comes to animals in the road! Also, he takes the cell phone, since I am home and have the house phone. Well, he called me this am on Suzanne's phone, asking me was the hair standing up on my neck?? I thought he had passed us and I wasn't paying attention...nope, he was calling to let me know he was still in Greenwood and on his way to the Insurance Agency...it was abt 8:30am...a buck, doe, and 2 babies decided that his truck looked like a great target...UGH! Are you kidding me...first it was a deer that hit the back, then he ran over a fox and now a whole family!!! Luckily, he is just fine. He keeps calm during those situations...me, I would have swerved, rolled, closed my eyes, screamed, prayed and probably blacked out...and then looked for my cell phone!! But he is really lucky, all the damage is cosmetic, nothing else was damaged (the frame, engine, radiator~everything all good)! Can you believe that? My husband has one busy guardian angel, but I am so thankful he has one!!



The doe took out the back side







Close up!

So, that is the truck...Now to decide what to do...fix, sale...or what...I am just thankful that he is okay! This poor truck though...I am telling you its a deer magnet!!! lol...but I really liked it...he has had it since we met and married. And monkee loves to ride with daddy, because she can look like a big girl, and have her hair blowing in the wind! Daddy likes to roll his windows down all the time...mommy, likes the AC...plus mommy has long hair and it gets tanlged easily. Speaking of here is a good picture of my with my new hair style...and believe it or not, I am still trying to get used to it!!!



So looking forward to getting some new ink....

 

I am sure you have all been aware of the blog drama I have experienced...if not, then pay this no attention...However, I do want to clarify a few things...I wrote the blog, "to borrow means to return," when I was upset, and though I did mean it, I did not mean for it to sound as though my cousin is a bad mother. I don't think it potrayed her in that way, but I wanted to clarify. Thanks to someone's childish behavior, she read my blog, and our disagreement came to an agreement, apology and we are moving on! You know, like adults are supposed to do!!! Anywho...she is a good mother. Though her youngest daughter is small, she did inform that she has been to the doctor and all is well....so that is good to know...But please keep them in your prayers, unfortunately, her hubby has to work out of town, which means she does a lot on her own...and its hard!!!

As for the cousin, that I was informed was not my kin family...haven't heard from her. Guess after having her mom facebook me, she felt better. Though I did try to txt and message her, she actually accused me of "blog blasting" how funny is that. I mean seriously, out of all the blogs in the world you pick mine to read and get angry over...well, umm, that tells me that I must have gotten to you, and maybe you should make some changes, but I don't care. We live in different states, and as her mother made it clear, we are not family. Though I am not quite sure how that works...because her hubby and children have my maiden name and are my family. Aww, whatever, it isn't worth the brain power to think about. Though I am wondering who led her to my blog. I mean by the time she read the blog it was abt 10 days old...heck, thats past...move on...but in my mind I have a few people that I think could be the guilty party, however, maybe she stumbled upon it on her own...

Moving on...Ansley started her second year of dance on Tuesday. She was so excited that when we got home from school at 10:35am, she immediately changed into her outfit and asked me every 15 minutes was it time to go!! I am excited too though. This year a great friend, fraternity sister and old college roommate, has also enrolled her daughter in the same class!! So, she and I will get to still get to see each other every week and catch up while the girls dance. I believe we have a best frienship in bloom with those two! Here is their first day of dance....



Ellie and Ansley



Well, I believe that about wraps it up for the week, well its only Wednesday, but boy it seems longer than that!! Oh, and I have also been busy "Fall" cleaning, and let me tell you IT FEELS GREAT!!! I am getting rid of all kinds

 of stuff...took donations to Salvation Army, Helping Hands of Woodruff...going to the consignment shop on Friday...it feels good getting it out of my house, but also it really feels good to know that I am helping others...oh, and I took some clothes and a diaper bag to a friend, she and her hubby are foster parents, and in the adoption process!!! Keep them in your prayers too!!!

It feels good to be me...living my life...enjoying my family and friends...laughing about the childish stuff...smiling at all the good stuff...its good to be me...now I am off to read, "Heaven, is for real"...so good so far...based on a little boys experience of going to heaven and coming back...

On another note...I am asking for you to please keep my friends, the Quarles' in your prayers tonight, tomorrow and everyday if you can. Thursday would have been and still is Erik's 7th birthday!! This is their older son, they also have twin daughters!!! I know its going to be a tough day, and I know everyday is a struggle, but they are strong...whether they realize it or not...she has a great blog, and you can read all about her and experience....My life without Erik, go and check it out! Its a wonderful tribute to a wonderful young man and of course his sisters too!!!

Hmm...okay, I think that about covers it for me! Ready for the weekend...going to stay with my brother and sister in law...celebrate our nephews 6th  birthday and just have a good time let the kids play and hanging out!! Who knows, I may speak some chinese!!!

Just real quick

I needed to make some corrections, well one correction to a blog that I had posted...after this correction, the situation is here by squashed...

1. My Senior Consultant, aka my cousin, who deleted me from the team page did so because it came from our director that she didn't need to have a page for consultants but one for customers, so in that I am wrong when I say she deleted just myself. My apologies.

2. I was informed that she is not my cousin, just married to my family...

So that covers it. Sorry about the error, but I was taught to admit when I was wrong. However, that whole if you have nothing nice to say then don't say it...apparently it didn't sink in well...(plus I typed it...just sayin).

A guilty conscience needs no accuser.-Proverb

I thought I would start this blog a little differently than others, well at least different to me! For those of you reading my blog, I thought I would give you a little more background on myself. I know some of you already know this but there is always another point to my "madness."

I have always loved to write. Always. I have kept journals, some that got me in trouble with my parents...lol..so from there I turned to poetry. I write what I feel at that moment, however, sometimes I have to cool down or well, it wouldn't be a good thing. Anyhow, so when I graduated high school and went to college, I finally decided upon Mass Communications as my major, in other words, journalism and broadcasting. I loved it! What a great field to go into for a person that loves to write!! So, basically what I am saying here is, well, I will continue to blog about my life as I live it. There is something that is just so calming about blogging, it's like therapy. No pretending, tell it like it is...use no names and let guilty ones weep in their own puddle. Fortunately, most everyone is familiar with our first amendment...you know the one I am talking about..."freedom of speech." With that being noted, let me just say, do not ever call my phone again and threaten me. Personally, the way I see it, guilty people will always try to turn it around on you so you feel guilty for calling them out. Which brings me to another point, considering how far you are behind on reading my blogs, apparently a current reader filled you in. You know what...it is all good. For you see, tonight when I lay down on my pillow, say my nightly prayers, and drift off to dreamland, my conscience will be clear. Okay, enough of that crap...let's  move on.

Believe it or not, Ansley has already missed her first day of school for this year. She has gotten a cold, and decided to bring it on home to the rest of the house! She was feeling so bad Thursday night and sleeping so rough that right before the alarm went off, she was sleeping so peaceful that I couldn't wake her. She needed that sleep. Well, at exactly, 7:55am, she came and wanted to know when we were leaving for school. I explained to her why she wasn't going, and it broke her heart! This child loves school and her teachers. Let's hope she keeps that attitude for the next 15 yrs or so!! Poor Adam has a runny nose...Nick is all stuffed up, Ansley is a little of both and for the moment I am okay, as long as I take my xanax, oops, I mean my Zyrtec! Whatever it takes to keep me sane....:)

We had a good weekend overall. Saturday we went to a friends birthday party, he turned 2 years old!! His mother and I met when Ansley and her daughter started taking dance last year. We decided that we were destined to meet and become good friends. Her daughter and Ansley are a year apart, and both our sons are also abt a year apart. This time last year when I was huge and pregnant with Adam, her little man was beginning to walk...and just to see how much he has grown over the last year! Wow!!! So we went to his birthday and celebrated and of course lets the kids play!! Now, I will not tell a lie, I had some fun with the sidewalk chalk...but the bubbles, not so much, my fat fingers couldn't get the stick out of the bottle! It was a good time. So you are probably asking yourself why were we destined to meet. I had a cousin who was abt my age, maybe a year younger or maybe a year older, I am not exactly sure. We had met a few times. He was a great guy, handsome, but would you expect anything else from our family...lol...I was in college when the accident happened. I remember finding out about Gabe's passing, and then having to go and take the Praxis. We never know why God chooses to take the good ones, but sometimes its the best ones he takes, but having faith in God allows us to know he is in Heaven, at peace and always with us. His name is Kenneth Gabriel, we called him Gabe, and apparently, I had a crush on him when we were little...not realizing we were cousins, but hey, this is the South....JUST KIDDING!!!! Okay, back on topic. It turns out my friend's son is named Bryson Gabrielle, and yes it is after my cousin. Wow, I thought to myself what a small world! Gabe's father is her uncle...anyways, she and I have really hit it off! She knows my aunt and uncle and I believe we have some other mutual friends and family. But over the last year she and I have gotten to be good friends, so have our girls...and just before school started, I reminded her that our play dates wont end...since our boys are so close in age!! I think it's great. I sit and think about 10 years from now, how they will all be playing...cheesy, I know, but I love it! So, anyway, we knew that we were destined to meet and become good friends!

On another note, Ansley went to bed tonight without her tv. Her sassy mouth, (I have no idea where she gets that from), once again got her in trouble. She has been talking back to mommy and daddy, nothing serious, but mumbling under her breath and occasionally saying rude comments. Tonight, her punishment was no tv. She cried for a bit, but by the time I was out of the shower she was fast asleep and I am willing to bet that she will be awake in the morning before the alarm goes off. Naturally, Adam went to bed with no problems, he is pretty good about taking naps and going to bed, though that may have jinxed it! Ha!! I will say that Ansley has been doing much better with napping.

That was our weekend...family time, the best time. Now we are starting a new week, and on the calendar it doesn't look crazy, but I am sure that will change! Ansley starts dance on Tuesday, she is excited!! And I must say that I am happy about the time change!!! Her class is now earlier, which for a child her age, it makes the night easier on me...well, I think anyways!!!

I do have some prayer requests...first, please pray for my nephew Bradley, he broke his arm tonight outside playing, and can you believe that they do not set the breaks in the ER anymore?? Now they just stabilize it until you can get to an orthopedic doctor. Second, pray for some very close friends of mine, this coming Thursday would have been their son's 7th birthday. You can read about her journey here, ashleyquarles.blogspot.com/ it's entitled My life without Erik. We are going to celebrate his life, on Saturday at his Nana's house. Please pray that my children, and that includes the hubby, all begin to feel better soon, and that mommy doesn't catch it!!! And say a prayer for all those who need it, and because of Irene there are a lot of prayers that need to be sent up...and pray for those you may dislike, it wont hurt you, there is a reason people choose to lead the lives they live, we have to pray that they find their way to God. On that note, hope everyone has a fantastic week!

Want some cheese with that whine...

Ladies, you know what I am talking about Mother Nature and her oh so sweet gift she delivers to us! I mean really, what is the purpose? I am trying, well taking, Seasonique, its the birth control where you only have your period every 3 months...hahaha...right! Apparently, my body misread the instructions on the box! The first 3 months were awful, the second 3 months not too bad, but right now, the heating pad is my bff! Plus, I am really hurting at my incision, you know, from my C-Section. I am thinking it's probably because I used those muscles and haven't in a long time, but let me tell you, it is painful!! I know, I know...lots of complaining! I am just in a blah mood and do not feel well! I need some of Ansley's energy from her bubble!!

Adam and I took my truck this am to have the oil changed, while there I asked the gentleman could they vacuum it. His reply was, their vacuum isn't heavy duty and the wash and vacuum would be $15 dollars extra plus another hour waiting...needless to say my truck is still dirty, and there are still crumbs in the floor! I blame the kids...hehehe...so anyways, today was also ladies day, so the oil change was half off, and I got a free mini manicure. Not bad! Oooooh, the best part, Adam was good!! I ended up feeding him breakfast there, so I am sure that made for a happy baby!

Back to complaining....why is it that when you don't feel very well, your daughter, at least in my case, decides this the day she wants to be sassy. No matter what I ask her to do, I get a sassy response. Like right now, she and Adam have most of my tupperware all over the kitchen floor, I asked her to pick it up and play with some of her toys, her reply "I don't want to play with my toys." Great, then lets throw them away, No mommy you will not throw them away.

I can say that I am excited about the Switch A Roos Consignment here in Spartanburg this weekend, and since I am a consignor, I get to go Thursday night for the pre-sale. I am actually going to go through Ansley's closet and see what kind of shirts she needs, sweaters, and what not...oh, and dance leotards! Well, my plan is do that! At the rate I am going I am liable to be in bed at 8p with the kids! Seriously, though I am excited to see everything that the consignment sale will have...even if I don't purchase anything, its still so much fun to look! They have everything you can think of and even some items you wouldn't think of! So if you are in the area, it will be this Friday, Saturday and Sunday at the Spartanburg Auditorium, and Sunday is half off, if the consignor allows it...and of course it is free to get in!!!

One last complaint for the day...as you know I am an Independent Consultant for Thirty One...well, they have re-written their policies and procedures for online use, basically, I can't have a fan page, I can however, have a private group, but I can't ask anyone to book parties or check out my website...wtc? Are you kidding me, now how I am I supposed to really get the word out there about the online catalog, specials and so on. I wonder what happened for them to make these changes. And for the record, my senior consultant aka the habitual liar, aka my cousin, deleted my off her group page! Now that is leadership for you!! Way to set an example...but its okay by me, I would much rather talk with a director that I already know. So, if you are interested in the great products, let me know! Would love to book some parties!!

Well, I am going to begin the nightly routine for the children. Argh, I wish I felt better or that these cleaning fairies or my fairy godmother would show up and take charge for a little bit and let me rest...but since that's not going to happen, hope everyone has a wonderful night!

Busy Bee...Ansley

Wow, what a whirlwind it has been the last few weeks. It had me almost wondering if my anxiety meds were really working! I know this blog is about my life and what happens, but unfortunately, I can't really discuss a certain situation. So why I am writing about it to really write around it, you may ask? Well, lets just say it truly had an impact on me. It definitely made me think, and begin to reevaluate a few areas in my life. I like to think of it as a wake up/warning call from God. And why yes, I most definitely took the hint or kick in the butt rather! All in all lets just say it turned out positive. Last week was hectic. Just the thought of it alone had my anxiety rushing. Somehow, all of my appointments got scheduled in the same week, we had visitation from Ansley's teachers, a playdate and went to my moms in there too. The playdate was a blast. We went to the Children's Museum in Greenville, and I think we had just as much fun as the kids did...including Adam, looking forward to going back there again.

Speaking of Ansley and her teachers, let me tell you about an incident. For those of you who actually know Ansley, she is a very intelligent and well behaved 3 yr old. Now of course we have our issues, but that is normal. Anyhow, she is a part of the 3K program at Woodruff Primary School, which it seems that if you ask any moms out there in the community, this program is for slow children, behavioral problems and so on. (I think you get the point). It is a horrible stigma that is attached to this program. My daughter is none of the above. As of today there are only 4 students in her class, and I believe there can be 10. These children are tested and selected for the program. Now yes, some of the children do need help in some areas, for example, my nephew, was a part of this class and he went to speech. Well, trying to make a long story short...another parent just really ticked me off. At first she was interested in trying to get her child into the program, but when I asked how the testing went, I was told that she wasn't going through with it. She had been informed that program could actually have the opposite affect on her child. These children in this program were "slow", had behavioral issues, and for the most part aren't disciplined at home. I was really offended. My daughter has learned so much in this class. She can already write the letter "A", recognize it in words along with many other letters. She still uses her manners, behaves, and is no way affected by undisciplined children. What an awful way to categorize children. It just makes me so angry that some of these parents are so uppity that they are too good for certain programs, and not mention people! I am thankful for the opportunity given to Ansley to start school, she loves it and it gives me a couples hours in the am to get things done. Okay, stepping down from that soap box.



<>

Ansley's first day of school



Speaking of school, Monday was her first day. She was too cute and super excited! I asked if she wanted me to walk with her to her classroom and she quickly told me, "No mom, I know where my class is." Most parents are crushed, I was okay...more amazed at her answer than anything! She loves school! She talks about how she plays on the playground, reads books, eats a snack and she drinks her milk cold! Which you see is a big deal, because here at home, it must be warm for her to drink it. Tonight she told me that she likes it cold, but that I can continue to warm it up, that is okay with her! She cracks me up sometimes! We have been trying to get her into a routine each day and night, but last night she picked up the phone, (when she was supposed to be asleep) and hit redial, luckily my brother was the last person I had talked too, so she called him and talked to him and Bradley. And then tonight the phone rang and it was her Uncle Mike, Nicks brother, she answered the phone then!!! (Again, she was supposed to be sleeping). Sitting downstairs on the couch I could hear her talking to her dolls and stuffed animals and then silence...she must have finally fallen asleep. That child is one big bubble full of energy. If only I could just borrow some of it, maybe the house would be cleaner...dinner would be cooked, clothes folded and put away...then again who am I kidding...I have kids, my house is clean compared to what it could be!!!

Over the weekend we had company, some friends of ours, and their little girl Ellie. Her mom and I go back to our freshmen year at Lander where we both cheered on the cheerleading squad, pledged ZTA, and became roommates! And now we have signed our little girls up for dance!! And they both will be taking the same class!!! I love it! It was a good day...after dance registration, the girls played and we ate steak, yummy!!! Then we just relaxed the rest of the day! I couldn't have asked for a better weekend or better friends! I also went to college with her hubby, and Nick has been playing softball with him the last year and a half.

I think that about catches me up. I know I mentioned a incident with another cousin but never went into any specifics, I am trying to decide if she is really worth my time blogging about. When basically, it boils down to her being a habitual liar, and unfortunately uses her children's illnesses to get attention...however, for the record, I am very glad that her children are okay and that her son is in remission since he started treatment. But as an individual, she is not someone I want to be associated with. And really the whole incident was childish, but I had enough of her lies. I just can't wrap my brain around habitual liars and why they do it.



Red hair



I am planning to try and post more often, but believe it or not, I am exhausted. I have been getting up, granted its only been 2 days...lol...at 6:45am and getting monkee ready for school and then feeding Adam. But it still makes for a long day. And I quite proud of myself, I have gotten up with no problems, and the same with monkee! Oh, and I have to say that I have the greatest hubby in the world. He came home from picking up Ansley from my moms on Friday and surprised me with a massage!! He had made the appointment while he was out! Oh, it was awesome...how come its one of those addictions that you don't ever want to end!!! Also, I decided to color my hair...I was bored. Normally, I am dirty blonde, and usually lighten it...well not this time. I let Nick pick out the color, and he chose Auburn...so that's right, my hair is red!!  We have a busy few weeks ahead of us...with school, dance and birthday parties!! The life of a parent, there is never a dull moment! I love it.

Also, please say a prayer for some of my friends. One friend has chosen to leave her husband, a decision that was a good choice for her but very hard. She really needs uplifting. An another friend who is fighting to her daughter back. She already has full custody, but if I understand correctly, she moved out of state, but allowed the dad to have his visitation and now he wont allow her to come home. Amazing isn't it. Sometimes the laws of our country are just downright stupid! And remember to smile and kill them with kindness...at least that is what I am learning to do, that and delete them on facebook!!